This blog has been here for a few months, but it never felt quite right. It’s been about Cam, and it still is, but it’s also about me, which just makes me squirm. But lately, I’ve been thinking, why not just go with it?
I’m here on Earth just trying to do what everybody else is doing…find my way through this mess I call my life. It’s a constant search for some sort of balance between my strengths and my weaknesses, humility and confidence, my stupids and my smarts. And I thought, why not write about it? Maybe I can find some train wrecks who want to flail around with me! It could be fun!
So here goes…
I’m a mom, a wife, a mother, a veterinarian and a writer (and lots of other things) but sometimes those things don’t work together very well. And quite often I suck at one or all of them.
My big kids are smarter than me and my youngest has a brain tumor (and a whole host of physical and mental problems that come with it), so I REALLY suck at parenting on most days. And that breaks my heart. And it’s embarrassing.
I’m a veterinarian too, which is a cool job and I love it, but it constantly makes me cry and question myself, even as I feel thankful and oh-so-smart for finding a job where I get to work with animals. Sometimes I go home with poop in my pocket. Literally.
My latest endeavor is to become a writer, which is an amazingly long shot at best. Still, I get up at five in the morning every day to work on it and I get rejected constantly, but I love it. And that’s really the reason I’m exposing my deepest insecurities online. Platform is a bitch.
But I suck as a friend. And I interrupt people too much and drink too much coffee. I have stretch marks and stray chin hairs. Sometimes I have beer and ritz crackers for dinner. I cuss too much and refuse to wear makeup (it itches) and really still love to watch X Files reruns.
There’s a lot of things wrong with me, but I keep trying. Maybe I’m finally old, or maybe my baby having cancer shook me up, or maybe it’s watching my oldest go through eighth grade (wow….just, wow), but I realized there are people who feel a lot like I do. Like an insecure human.
I started this blog to write about Cameron, but I’m beginning to realize I was hiding behind him. He is the hero to all of us, and his story is worth telling, but each one of us has a story, including me. In fact, if Cam is the super hero, that makes me Alfred or Pepper Potts and that’s pretty cool too.
So here’s my blog. Read it if you want. And let me know what you think. Because I’m gonna try to figure out how to read comments, too 🙂